I'm Natural!
by from under the towel
Summary: Bad fic - purposely written badly or in an odd style for the purpose of humor. This falls under that category. Frodo gets a "big" suprise thanks to Merry and Pippin. FrodoxSam and MerryxPippin (implied). We do not own any of these characters.


Frodo/Sam  
  
I'm Natural!  
  
Sam turned away from Frodo and pulled the blanket over his waist. He blushed deeply, looking away. Frodo took his hand, "Don't worry, Sam, it may look small, but it's the perfect size for me!"  
  
"Do you mean it, Mr. Frodo?"   
  
"Yes, of course, never change." The two embraced warmly.  
  
"I promise, it'll never change."  
  
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Later on…  
  
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"So, Frodo, how are things between you and Sam?" Pippin nudged him winking at Merry.   
  
"Oh, Pippin, Merry, I've never been so happy in my entire life. He's perfect in everyway. Yesterday, he was worried the he could not perform in bed because he thinks he's too small down there. Oh, but it's just the right size for me!" Merry and Pippin snickered. Frodo looked around the room, "Oh, there's Sam! I'll be back in a moment." Frodo walked away.  
  
"Hey, Merry, do you have any of those enlargement pills on you?"  
  
"Why?" Merry raised an eyebrow.  
  
Pippin grinned and they both looked over at Sam. "Would you like some tea Sam?" Merry offered, trying to hide his snickering.   
  
Sam nodded and the two scurried off into the kitchen. In the kitchen, Pippin prepared the tea, while Merry tried to figure out the dosage to put in the tea. "Come on, Merry. Hurry!"   
  
"Hold on, Pip. I need to figure out how much to give him."  
  
"Who cares?!" Pippin snatched the bottle from Merry and dumped all the pills in.   
  
"Pippin! That was over a hundred!"  
  
"They won't dissolve!" Pippin looked shocked.   
  
"Hold it over the fire!" Merry made a quick grab for the cup and shoved it over the flame. There was a loud bang and a puff of black smoke wafted out of the kitchen. He took it off the fire and observed the tea had turned white.   
  
Merry looked at Pippin. "Too much cream.'?" Pippin offered. They took the tea in Frodo's living room.   
  
"Here, Sam," Merry said, "just the way you like it."  
  
"But you know I hate cream!"  
  
"Just drink it!" they both yelled.   
  
"Don't snap at my Sam!" Frodo glared. " Go on, honey bunny, drink your tea."   
  
Sam suspiciously drank the tea, "Odd, this doesn't taste like cream."  
  
"Well, got to go," Pippin said, leading Merry to the door.   
  
"Nice coat," Merry said, slipping the empty pill bottle inside the pocket.  
  
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Later that night…  
  
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"Why do you have your coat on Sam?" Frodo looked at him questioningly.  
  
"I'm cold," Sam shivered.   
  
"Well, I know something that will warm you up," Frodo pounced on him, opening his pants. "Oh no! Oh my god! What horror is this? What is going on here?!"  
  
"I- I- I don't know!" Sam looked down.  
  
"Sam, you were an inch, now you're about twelve!" Frodo screamed. "An inch is the average for a Hobbit. I'm big and I'm only about two!"  
  
"I don't know how it's happens as you should like!" Sam protested.  
"I told you never to change! Why?!" yelled Frodo in shock.   
  
"Don't do me anything! I'm natural! I swear!" Sam whimpered. The empty pill bottle rolled out of the coat pocket onto the bed.   
  
Frodo saw it and collapsed on the bed in tears, "Oh, Sam, why? Why does this always happen to me?!"   
  
Same raised an eyebrow at this, "Well, let's use it to our advantage."  
  
Frodo sobbed into the pillow, "It's too big! I'm delicate like a rose and tender like that piece of chicken you made last night for dinner!"   
  
"We can make it work… see?" Sam pulled out a bottle of lube.  
  
Frodo looked at the bottle, "How do you know it will work?"  
  
"Trust me, Mr. Frodo," Sam smiled, "turn over."  
  
Frodo reluctantly turned, "Okay."  
  
MORAL: NATURAL IS NICE, BUT BIGGER IS BEST! 


End file.
